Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Actually Feeling a Blessing

You know what... Have you ever felt that you had been blessed because you did something nice? The ICU doc called me about 130 and said they had some problems with my mother and we should probably head over to the hospital in the next few hours... so of course I head up there. I went in to see her and she looked so bad.. so swollen and full of fluid and completely unresponsive to my voice or anything. Her BP was 80/40 and her heart rate was 140 and irregular. After a while in there we decide to go get something in the cafeteria. When I get back to the ICU I told Dad to go in and have some alone time with mom and I went to the waiting room. There were about 30 people in there at the time. This man and woman came in -about in their mid 60's-and sat at a table. She was obviously upset and apparently something had happened to her daughter and she was in ICU. As we were all sitting there she began to get more and more upset. Crying and gasping for air as if she was hyperventilating. A security officer went to get some help and everyone in the room was just looking at her and then looking at each other.

I realized that everyone was looking but no one was doing anything. I said "OK", got up and went across the room to this stranger who was obviously very upset. Her poor husband was just sitting there letting her get hysterical so I got on my knees in front of her. I asked her if her child was here. And then I made her focus on her breathing. As I am trying to calm her down I told her that her child needed her to be strong. Her child needed her to hold it together and help her fight her battle. She can’t help her child if she is falling apart. telling her to breathe... in ... out .. in ... out... Her job was to be strong for her daughter and she wasn’t helping her by falling to pieces. She is the mother... that is her job.

Honestly - I almost had her calm... and then 5 medics come in and try to haul her to the ER for oxygen. I had to get out of the way when they got there. But here is the thing... after I went to her and tried to help her I went back in to see my mother.

I felt like I had been truly blessed when I walked in and saw that her eyes were open. She wasn’t focusing but her eyes were open. She recognized my voice and she was able to nod or shake her head ever so slightly in response to yes or no questions. After a few minutes she as exhausted and went to sleep but for them to call in the family and for her to communicate with me when she hasn’t opened her eyes since Wednesday was a blessing. I feel like I was rewarded for helping that poor woman in the waiting area. Mom is still fighting and her signs are low but stable for now. Fragile is a better term. Just about anything can send her one way or the other but I still treasure the acknowledgement of her knowing I was there. Last thing I said to her -other than I love you- was "you have never backed down from a fight in your life... don’t let this be the first.. because you aren’t ready"

She nodded her head...just enough for me to see. I’ll take it. 


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