Tuesday, May 13, 2014

My Bathroom Scale is a Lying Sack of Electronics

Yes – I have come to the conclusion that my bathroom scale has some kind of strange vendetta against me. I can fix that real quick… trash can.  Numbers on that damn thing never go down. I stepped on it the other morning and jumped off it as if it was on fire... then I kicked it.  They have inched up one by one for a total of twenty times since 2007. 20 pounds in 7 years. When you look at it like that it doesn't sound so bad. Oh but it is. It is horrible. I think about it all the time. And I honestly don’t think I eat enough to warrant a gain of 20 in 7 years. What the hell is that about? I guess it is what I eat and not really how much I eat. I guess if I ate the caloric equivalent of my daily consumption in rice cakes I would be sitting here all day continuously eating instead I choose to consolidate my needs and cram all those nasty calories into a sandwich or a rib eye. What the hell ever…But there it is… on that expensive digital scale.. that has found a new home …in the trash can.

So, yes I still have the big Fusion Juicer that I have been slack about using over the last month or so due to circumstances beyond my control. And on a whim at a low moment this last month I bought the Zumba box set. I received it about 3 weeks ago via UPS… I know… it has been sealed in the box it was shipped in and sitting in my dining room for three weeks. I just haven’t had the time or the inclination to open it… I have too much other crap to do. And by the time I get everyone wound down and fed bathed and watered it is 9PM and I am ready to pass out myself. What I didn’t think about when I bought this Zumba box set was when the hell am I supposed to find 30 minutes without interruption to Zumba ??? Besides I hate to sweat. I hate to break a sweat and get hot. It makes me unbearably cranky and gives me a hot headache. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking… I am too accident prone to even attempt to Zumba. For real. That is a sure fire trip to the ER for me.

                                                              BTW - This is me



I need a new TV in my bedroom… if I bought a TV DVD combo I might could get up in the morning before I get my little man up and do a little Latino rhythm.. nah.. that means I would have  to get up at 515 and do what?? Dance ?? SWEAT??? Did I forget how much I hate to sweat? Before the sun even breaks the horizon? I have enough trouble staying awake at 4PM every day. I can’t imagine if I got up 30 minutes earlier and danced like a mental patient around my room that it would improve my energy level to overcome the lack of sleep.

My mind says “yes yes yes” the devil on my shoulder and my lovely gazillion dollar pillow say “no no no” …come hither… lay down and read this great book. The pillow is my friend… it cradles my round head in complete cool comfort… and I am a Libra.. we are all about comfort… and coolness … and not sweating.

Need a new plan.