Monday, June 23, 2014

Sheldon Cooper vs. Mr. Bean

Whenever I venture to Downtown Raleigh it is always a memorable experience.
Today was no different. I had to go to the 12th floor of the county courthouse to probate my mothers estate. Trying to be legal and do the right thing, this was my second trip to the top floor of the nastiest building in the city. When you walk in you can tell it is very dated as far as structure, and it LOOKS dirty. The walls, floors, elevators, bathrooms, you name it … was grungy and dirty. I remember going there for my first ticket 30 years ago… it was nasty then. Anyway, I had to park about 2 blocks away which was better than the first time I went about a month ago. It wasn't so hot this morning so I was able to get to my top floor destination without breaking too much of a sweat.

My appointment was at 930 AM with a guy that could be Sheldon Cooper’s twin. I walk in the doors and immediately see his office is dark. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT…. I have a damn appointment. So I sign in and the nice lady asks me if I can see someone else or do I want to come back to see Sheldon. First of all… I am not coming back to this hell hole. Secondly I had an appointment with Sheldon and he didn't call or email to let me know he was not going to be there so someone better see me – soon.
 About an hour later, I think she made me sit there hoping to cool my engines, Mr. Bean comes and fetches me to talk to him. Seriously … Mr. Bean. So I tell him why I am there… give him all my paperwork. He wants to question me about specifics but when I want to question him he says “I can’t tell you what to do, all I can tell you is your options”. So I ask him what should I do about this or that… to which he replies each time “I can’t tell you what to do, all I can tell you is your options”.

The third time he said that to me I had to stop… breathe… I could feel it welling up inside of me... the Pamela Maroon/Julia Sugarbaker rant that I was about to unleash on this poor fella was going to be unlike anything he has ever experienced on the 12th floor. I almost felt sorry for him…because it was coming… and then he did it… “I can’t tell you what to do…” (Wesley… I thought of you at this very moment)

“Mr. Bean, while I understand your position as an overpaid government employee, not to give me legal or direct advice on the matters at hand, I implore you to at least try to point me in the right direction. Because I can promise you, if I walk out of this office and I am not clear on what I need to do you will receive a barrage of phone messages, emails and letters from me, the likes of which you cannot even begin to comprehend. You will pray that Sheldon comes back and you can hand me off to him again. You will beg Sheldon to take my case. But Sheldon cannot help you this time. You alone will be on the receiving end of my wrath, Mr. Bean and that is not a pleasant place to live…. NOW… if this was your mother… and this was your scenario… what would the most efficient way to handle the matter?”


Within 10 minutes I had what I needed and we parted with a handshake…I do believe he was trembling just a little.