Thursday, July 3, 2014

Diamonds in the Rough

I have several single girlfriends that I have talked to over the years about their dating dramas and various other single girl issues.

When a woman becomes newly single she MUST take the time to heal. If she doesn't take that crucial time she may fall into the same type of relationship that caused her to be single. Much like grieving, there are stages in the whole demise of a relationship. Sadness, anger, depression, anger again, and so on…
And in the beginning she will make a mental list of what she doesn't want in one column and what she does want in another column. Usually the best and worst of her last relationship is at the top of both lists. And then there is the last column that is the list of attributes for her perfect man.

And she has made the decision that she will not settle for anything other than exactly what she wants. Who can blame her – why should she?

But here is the thing… to an extent, you have to settle. In some ways and in some aspects you have to settle because no one is going to fit in the “perfect man” category. And here is what I am talking about…. I have been with the same man for over 22 years, married for 14 and to me he is the “perfect man”. However, there are pieces in the puzzle of our relationship that don’t fit. That is because we are two different people and we make our differences work.

Never settle for just anyone because you are tired of being alone. That is not what I am saying. Just don’t let the checklists get in the way of a real gem. Trust your instincts because that is what we women have that men forget. If the loser alarms are ringing .-run. If the player alarms are ringing – run. If you are my age and single I am sure you already know that the one nighters are dead ends, the online dating sites are 75% bullshit because no man portrays themselves in a genuine light and the “perfect man” will not have a sign over his head like the HOT light at Krispy Kreme.

When I met my future husband the sparks weren't flying, fireworks weren't going off and he was SO not my type. We had mutual friends and therefore saw each other often so I had the opportunity to get to know him in a casual setting with other people around. That was when the fireworks started going off… and the rest is history.
So, in closing, don’t judge the diamond by what it looks like when you find it. All diamonds are covered in dirt and have to have layers of hard rocky shell that surrounds and protects it removed to see what truly lies beneath. All diamonds have flaws, that is what makes them unique, but there are diamonds that are a much higher quality than others… and of course we all want the best.

Enjoy the ride my friends, it is what makes life fun.