Friday, August 29, 2014

As Much As I Would Love To…. (a 10 point rant for this holiday weekend)

Each of these points begin with - "As much as I would love to...."

1-       … go to the beach this weekend, I honestly don’t think I have it in me. It should be my happy place but I find that we end up rushing around more there than we do at home. Trying to cram all we can into the 36 hours we are there is exhausting. And if you are already mentally exhausted before you go it is a doozy when you get back.
2-      … call and complain to my son’s new school about how jacked up their whole kindergarten entry plan is, what good will it do ? None. The website is awful, the communication is worse and the whole staggered entry leaves me cranky. The last thing I need to do is piss off any of those people – that is what I keep telling myself.
3-      … get rid of this pounding headache it is reminding me that I have reduced the amount of sugar in my diet and that is a good reminder. Annoying but good.
4-      … get my hair done there is no time this week for any of that crap. So I will put it off yet again and wait for the opportunity to arise. In the mean time I will just have to pull it back (which I can finally do again) into a pony tail and keep going.
5-      … find the perfect pocketbook I have come to realize that the damn thing probably doesn't exist. Maybe I should design my own… submit it to Dooney & Bourke and let them have the design if they will just give me one. Yes. That is a plan.
6-      … wake up one morning and be 2 sizes smaller than I am now I know that isn't going to happen. Weight loss takes work, discipline, movement and dedication. And as much as I despise to break a sweat it will have to happen. Why can’t I starve on the sofa?? Why do I have to sweat and become an unbearable cranky bitch?
7-      … drink more water, I find that a very difficult task. Mainly because I hate water. I have to FORCE myself to drink water and honestly if I don’t eat water gives me heartburn. Yes, I know you think I am crazy but just like when you are throwing up you know what made you sick. When I have heartburn I know what gave it to me and it is always too much water. And whoever the crazy bastard was that said drink half your body weight in ounces of water should be shot. Seriously! Just put an NG tube down my throat and hook it up to a faucet because that is what it will feel like. Drown me now. Drinking water constantly from the time my feet hit the floor till the time I go to bed.  A deluge amount of water. He is crazy as hell.
8-      … wear all the fancy heels in my closet, I am too lazy to even dig them out. The thought of prancing around in 4” heels all day makes me a little dizzy. My feet hurt just thinking about it. I need to but they will make my feet hurt. And I am too clumsy to even think about it. The injury potential at this time in my life is rather high. I think I will just make sure I have them when #7 &#8 work out for me. The less you weigh, the less your feet will hurt in those pretty shoes. Truth.
9-      … sit down at the sewing machine I bought 6 months ago and make my t shirt quilt I have  problem actually finding the time to LEARN how to operate the damn thing. Thread a bobbin… there is a nightmare for you. There are you tube videos on how to work this particular machine but TIME is a problem. I have NO TIME to actually sit down with a computer and watch the video and teach myself.  I have yet to plug the damn thing in and turn it on. Much like the Zumba box, it lives in the dining room. At least I did put the Zumba DVD in and watch the first part of the how to dance video. Don’t get me started on that…. Another whole blog post just for Beto and his scary old lady friend.
10-   … finally paint those last 12 boards on my deck I don’t see it happening this weekend. Its hot as 40 blazes of hell outside and I am not in the mood to start sweating … see #6.

Y'all have a wonderful Labor Day Holiday weekend! I am in a much better mood now... thank you!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Kindergarten Round 2

When someone tells you that no two children are alike… they are speaking the truth!
My son is 5. He has been in preschool for two years. He knows all his ABCs, 123s, sight words, shapes, colors and he can write his little name beautifully. He can also tell you all about the solar system, planets, galaxies, nebulae, dwarf planets, the difference between revolution and rotation, gas giants and what Saturn’s rings are made of.

Before he starts kindergarten he has to go to the school and be “assessed”. He was nervous so I let him bring some of his cars with us on the way to the school. I thought he had left them in the car but apparently he had one in his pocket. While we were waiting in the library for them to take him back he was calm and playing with the car. I told him to put it in my pocketbook and I thought he had, but he had put it in his pocket. And by the time I realized he had it with him he was already out the door and headed down the hall.

Two hours later here he comes… all smiles… life is good. And as I am standing there one of the teachers comes over to me and asks me if I was his mother. I thought she was getting ready to tell me my child was a genius… why is he not in college at 5 years old?? Nope… she proceeds to reprimand me for allowing him to take a car with him because it was a distraction, he wouldn't listen or follow direction and we don’t allow them to bring toys to kindergarten. Before I could tell her that I know all this and it was an accident, she looks at him and tells him he cannot bring toys to school and he must leave his toys at home.

I am still standing there shocked that I didn't get a glowing report that my child was a reincarnated Einstein/ Carl Sagan when I heard him GROWL at this woman! He literally bared his teeth and growled at her when she told him he could not bring a toy to school. Instinctively I put my hand over his face and pull him behind me hoping she didn't realize that he actually growled at her and hoping even more that she didn't think he was going to bite her.  At that time I was able to tell her it was an accident and apologize for the distraction. I head out the door with him and I know he is mad. He says he wants to go home but I had to tell him that I had to go to work and he needed to go to his preschool. It was all downhill after that. He was really mad now. By the time we both got to preschool we were both in tears. His was because he was scared he was in trouble and he knew he had misbehaved. Mine because everything that should have gone smoothly and glowingly spiraled out of control and now these teachers think my son is a nutcase.

 Apparently all the prepping we have done to get him ready for the big change to kindergarten did not work out so well. I can only hope that he gets comfortable soon and returns to his normal self so they can see the real boy beyond the nervous child they saw today. I don’t know what they saw today… he went to 5 different teachers and it could have been that this one last teacher he was being tested with just didn't click with him. I hope my son isn't etched in her memory as the child that growled at her the first time she met him. I hope my son isn't the subject of her teaching horror stories later in life. I hope she doesn't write a book, and a lifetime movie isn't made and some famous kid doesn't represent my child growling at her… if so I want the names changed. I am sure all those teachers are in a room right now wondering who is going to draw the short straw and get that Barefoot boy. I could have created an entire comedy sitcom episode out of what happened this morning... but instead just let it be a small hilarious chapter in the book of my life.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Only in the Asylums of the South...

A friend posted this on FaceBook... a list of reasons to be admitted to the insane asylum from 1864-1889.
Quite funny reading... especially about the afflictions that one only does to themselves.
I could have probably been admitted for about 1/4 of these things back in the day. I know some people that could qualify for over half of these ailments. Do you qualify???

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Ferguson is a Mess and I am confused... But I Do Know a Few Things...

I like Matt Walsh... sometimes I agree and sometimes I don't agree with what he writes but it is always an interesting read.

Today he addresses the mess in Ferguson. The shooting of an unarmed young black man by a police officer.
His point in this article is to confuse the reader with various reports by the media... and point out the fact that we don't know all the facts and opinions are just that. I admit that I have not read up on this incident much because the media is biased, FOX news will say one thing, CNN another and MSN, ABC, NBC, CBS something totally different. If you read too much about this mess you will be confused too. Did  the officer use excessive force?  Forensics and science will prove some things as truth. And that is where we need to start when trying unravel what happened.

What I do know is that a young man is dead. 
A mother has lost and has to bury her child.
A lot of people are reacting in violent and irrational way which will only lead to someone else getting hurt.

Why the violence and looting? Those businesses didn't have a thing to do with what happened to that boy. The people that own those businesses have families to support... does hurting them help the situation? Is all this violence justified? If you are angry ... channel your anger, direct it to the parties responsible for the mess. Exercise your God given rights as a citizen of Ferguson and change the laws. Change the procedures that law enforcement has to follow when confronted with a similar situation. And by all means, PROTEST, peacefully.

Eventually all the facts and truths will come out. Opinions are just that and everyone has one.
If it is proven that the officer used excessive force make him accountable for his actions. I have no problem throwing him in front of a judge, jury and warden.
Don't create a bigger problem by  looting, stealing and vandalizing in the name of justice.
Someone will get hurt and that doesn't fix the problem.

Monday, August 18, 2014

All Souls Trilogy Review

Ok – much like several other trendy trilogies I read the first two. I thought they were wonderful. I couldn't wait for the third and last one to be released.

And then …. DAMN.
It started off pretty good and then it got a little wacky. Its almost like these authors are struggling to complete the series and really get way out there. Reaching for words and plots to finish their contractual obligation to the publisher.

Just suffice it to say I really enjoyed this third and final installment, until…. Our heroine finally comes full of her own power- and tree branches start growing out of her head. I could easily imagine everything else in this witch/vampire story. But the literal idea that she IS the tree of life, the living book of life, with branches sprouting from her head and her hair getting all tangled up in them was reaching a bit too much for me. I couldn't enjoy the final few chapters for trying to imagine how she looked – like a beautiful Medusa with branches instead of snakes? Nope. That one little part sent all my enjoyment spiraling out of control downhill. I love this heroine... but by the end of this installment I was more fond of all  the other characters.  I wish she would have done more with the ghosts of Emily and Phillip. I thought by the end of the last book she had made Diana so powerful that if you try to imagine "what next" for this woman you can't see her fitting in anywhere or with anyone. She would be so distinctly alone and isolated later in life. I actually felt sorry for her for being so much more powerful than anyone she loves that it will doom her very existence. 

Note to authors… its ok to be imaginative but don’t make it so unappealing that your reader loses their love for your character. 

Friday, August 15, 2014

The Swinging Pendulum - Update


I cannot believe the reactions people are having to the death of Robin Williams.Now we find out that the poor guy was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, and my heart breaks just a little more for him.

I truly feel everyone is shocked and upset over losing such a talented man that made us all laugh. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Our job is to respect that person’s opinion, whether we counter it with our own is our choice. But the violent and hateful responses some bloggers are getting is a bit too much for me. Fortunately, I have not received the “go kill yourself” or various other profanity laced reactions that other bloggers have received.

No matter how you look at it, the whole event is a terrible tragedy. No matter your religion, and whether or not you believe that someone who commits suicide is going straight to hell, it is still a terrible tragedy. Furthermore, can you imagine the state of mind of those that are raised to believe that very thing, and still decide that death and spending eternity in the fiery pit of hell is a better alternative than living? I can’t even begin to understand that dark place where there is no hope or light. But I know there are people that have been there and somehow came out on the other side. The problem is knowing which ones can’t find their way back. How do we distinguish them from the ones that can? How do you know?
We don’t know. We never know what is inside someone’s head and we never know what is going to be the tipping point for them. The point of all consuming pain and despair that they hide so well. We never know until it is too late.

Mental illness is serious. It is not an excuse for bad behavior and laziness or a crutch for those that are simply unwilling to try. It is a daily struggle for many. They have managed to create a mask for the world but when they are alone they face themselves and their demons, and it gets harder and harder to fight them. I pray for those people and hope they can find the help they need. That they aren't afraid to ask for that help, and that help is readily given and just as readily accepted.

So here is to looking toward the light, seeing the glass as half full and finding the hope to carry on one more day. 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The Swinging Pendulum - Robin Williams We Will Miss You!

It appears that just about everyone has an opinion about Robin Williams and the details around his death. Most, like myself, are incredibly sad that a man so full of life, humor and talent could not see all those things in himself. He had to have been one of my very favorite actors, and as far as celebrity he was one of the top few I respected and felt that he cared about others who weren't famous. A real person that if I ran into him somewhere I would feel comfortable speaking to him. I always felt he had a manic type of personality. An extremist in his comedic talent, which made me laugh so hard I cried and my cheeks hurt. He was also just as talented in his dramatic roles and very committed to his art.

When I think of him now I can see the pendulum effect that he couldn't manage to get under control, and that eventually sent him into a dark place where his only way to find peace was to take his own life. If I look at the mental state of someone like a swinging pendulum, it is easier to understand. Most of us stay in the short swing, left and right, happy and sad. We manage to keep it under control and maintain a middle ground only occasionally swinging to the right or left. And then there are those with the wide swing. The manic depressive folks. These are the people that can swing so far to the right, the equal and opposite reaction is the same extreme swing to the left. How do they survive in the extremes?

I don’t think I would have been nearly as upset if he had perished in a car accident. The way he decided to take his own life is devastating to me. He had to be in such a dire state of despair he chose a terrible way to go. Hanging? That is not a quick way die. Gunshot… easy. Hanging by a belt.. on door? Maybe all he had to do was stand up and decide to live. But the fact that he chose to die as an alternative to life, his mental pendulum had swung so far to the left that he couldn't find his way back. He couldn't use his humor and talent to heal his tormented soul. His gift of laughter and his talent to make the world smile was his extreme pendulum swing to the right, only to be answered by the mental depression that comes when that same pendulum swings left.

Unlike so many, he did seek help. He knew the dangerous swings to the dark side were going to consume him, and ultimately they did. Thankfully his legacy will live on and he will continue to make us laugh and smile.
My only hope is that his passing will shed some light on the mental illnesses that affect us all at different times of our lives. Sometimes we can shake it… sometimes we can’t. And for those that find themselves living longer on the extreme dark side… please seek help.
This is my favorite tribute to him … Genie, you are free. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Dog Doesn't Understand...

Bless Anna Banana Fo Fanna... she doesn't understand that when there is a New Orleans Saints game on TV... there will be no fetch... inside or outside... gotta give her credit for persistence. She thinks if she keeps putting that nasty slobbery tennis ball in my lap I will throw it... She was right... about the 10th time she dropped that nasty thing in my lap I threw it down the 30ft hallway... and so it began... for about 45 minutes.
Maybe I am the one that doesn't understand...

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Cinderella (that would be me) Has Arrived...

I spent a weekend at the Greenbrier Resort in the mountains of West Virginia. Being a history buff of sorts I have read and seen many things about the Greenbrier. Suffice it to say that NOTHING prepared me for this place.

We planned our visit around the start our favorite NFL team’s training camp schedule (New Orleans Saints) and my husband’s 43rd birthday. Both events fell on Friday July 25th. We arrived in time for the late afternoon practice and were fortunate enough to see some of our favorite players for autographs and pictures. As far as we were concerned... we did what we set out to do (cross that of the bucket list)... we could have turned around and gone back home at that point, but our room was already paid for so we were staying. LORDY,  I am so glad we stayed!!! To say that the entire "open to the public" event for the Greenbrier was well thought out is an understatement. Whoever was in charge... congratulations... you pulled it off. Even the tailgate picnic which sold 5000 tickets was well done. I might could have done a better job... but I doubt it. (just kidding) The facility is beautiful and we enjoyed every second.

We drove to the gate and the guard gave us a fancy pass that allowed us to park on the property and distinguished us from others that weren't staying at the resort. We drove up to the hotel porte-cochere and I couldn't help but hold my breath. It had to be the most beautiful place I had ever been. Sometimes I can be otherworldly sensitive to a place steeped in history. It was gleaming white against the clear blue sky and the green of the mountains. Originally known for the sulfur spring on the property, which is still there, the hotel was built in 1858 prior to the civil war. During the war it was used as a hospital and began under the confederate army but by the end of the war it was in Union hands, who almost burned it to the ground. What is it about them wanting to burn everything? GEEZ!  
This man has greeted folks for 56yrs

And here come the bell men. We get out of the car and stretch our legs and these guys are buzzing all around us. They wouldn't let us lift a thing. Our room was not ready yet so they put our things in storage until we received the call and they would meet us at the front desk. Now, I am not stupid. I know these people are working for a tip. And believe me – we tipped them well. $20 bills falling out of our hands like water through a colander. So while we were waiting we started wandering around checking out everything. The Draper d├ęcor was amazing. Sometimes it was a little hard on the eyes but definitely a signature for the place. Bold amazing color combinations that made me think that if Dorothy Draper had twins they would be Laura Ashley and Lilly Pulitzer.  
Between wandering around, lunch, outdoor pool time, bowling alley and dinner all around the NFL team tailgate picnic on Saturday we were exhausted but smiling and so very very happy. Mainly because the football gods were smiling on us and since we were the first in line to check in we were given the first available room... at the very end of the hallway  in the west wing on the floor with ALL the football players. We had to walk past all their rooms to get to ours and my crowd was thrilled to see all these guys in the hallway. Picking out who we knew... and trying to figure out the rest. They were all so kind and friendly. Quick to stop and take a picture with my kids and that is probably the one thing they will remember the most. Such a wonderful group!
It was an amazing time and I truly feel like in a past life I must have been extremely wealthy because I felt so at home there. Everyone made us feel like royalty and we left on Sunday morning wondering how in the world we could go back home to our 100 year old farm house! The flowers could rival Disney World in the spring. The ambiance and treatment we received was above and beyond anything I had ever experienced. I fit right in … like an old shoe. More like a glass slipper… but it fit!! Oh sweet Jesus I am HOME!

We are going back. My daughter wants to make this an annual family trip. Saints Training Camp at the Greenbrier. My only thing is that we have to stay longer. At least 4 days to really enjoy our time there. So much to do and not enough time to do it all! The most wonderful thing is that they have so much to do there is never any waiting for an activity. My children could stay at that dreamy outdoor pool all day and so could I… with people waiting on me the whole time. Running into the football players in the hall was quite a treat too!  Thanks Cam Jordan!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Things I Laughed About (and I did the snort laugh) the Month of July

1 – My husband, pop, and children have discovered the paddle board. These are not people with the best balance, with the exception of my husband, so watching them get to a standing position on that thing was hilarious… and I was ready and waiting with a camera. It is all documented.
2 – I had my first deep tissue massage in many years. Needless to say he found my sciatic nerve and tap danced on it. He said “I apologize if I am a bit heavy handed” to which I responded “well I apologize in advance for the acute onset of turrets syndrome I will have the next time you find that nerve…it’s nothing personal" and then I started screaming and cussing....followed by the snort laugh.
3 – The John Edward event that Pop and I attended. We sat there the entire time listening for anything that might apply to us… and just when we were about to give up, 15 minutes before the whole thing was over, BINGO… he called me out on the one thing that would apply to me out of 250 people. Of course… my mother “queenie” a last minute Lucy that will get the last word and then make the poor guy run over his session 15 minutes.This gave me a decent chuckle.
4 – Taking our kids on a great adventure to West Virginia for the New Orleans Saints training camp. Our 5 year old thought it was his duty every time we walked into our hotel room to test the beds by jumping back and forth hollering “look  mama… I can fly”
5 – Our eternally untrainable dog… we let her out the back door so she can go to her little yard and play on the deck. She doesn’t go to her little yard… she thinks my deck is her little yard and every day I am washing the damn thing because she has done all her business on my newly painted deck. I have to laugh about this because she is stupid and if I don’t find some small fragment of humor in it she will be a yard dog… soon.
6 – The episode of Seinfeld where Kramer buys a pair of blue jeans. Skinny jeans to be more specific. If you haven’t seen it, you need to .. but make sure your bladder is empty first I had to watch it twice because I was laughing so hard my eyes were shut. It is terribly hard to laugh that hard and still see.
7 – Tom & Jerry. Saturday Evening Puss episode from 1950. My son loves old Tom and Jerry. This particular episode is like giving him a 5lb bag of sugar. I can’t show it to him at night because he gets so jacked up, running and jumping around he can’t go to bed. So I let him watch it first thing in the morning… and then send him off to preschool.
8 – When we were at training camp I was standing right there when Coach Payton was holding a West Virginia License plate that said “who dat” he said “someone tweet me this”. I have had a twitter account for a couple of years but don’t use it. So I signed on and looked at his twitter and no one had sent it to him. So I did. Now, Mind you I don’t really know how to use twitter, so when I tagged him and sent it my phone started going bezerk. I was at work and the damn thing almost vibrated of my desk. I had to catch it only to turn it off. I thought the battery was going dead because it was buzzing constantly. 200+ retweets later I hope he finally saw the damn thing. I don’t think twitter is going to be my thing
9 – My Zumba DVD’s and weights are still in the box, still in the dining room. Going on month 3 now. Just imagining myself in my living room trying to be coordinated makes me laugh. 
10 – This summer has been a grueling and exhausting adventure. Although it has been non stop, it has been fun and we are so tired we can’t even complain about… all we can do is laugh. We have had such a good time and have made so many great memories. We are very blessed and very happy…but very tired…HA HA .

Monday, August 4, 2014

Things I Cried over - or Almost Cried Over- the Month of July

Borrowed this topic from Rubber Shoes in Hell Blog
1-    You know, I look in the mirror and I don’t see the wrinkles that I see when I look at myself in a photograph. Why is that? Do I really look as wrinkly around the eyes in person as I do in a picture?? What the hell is wrong with me that I don’t see what I think everyone else sees?
2-    I am going to be 46 in a few months. I know I am midlife-ing and hormonal. That is all I have to say about that.
3-    I have started taking Glucosomine for my knees because I can hear the cartilage when they bend like wadded up aluminum foil. *CRUNCH*
4-    I wasted a ton of money on a dog trainer that did not train the dog. As much money as I paid him why didn't he take the damn dog with him and bring her back all trained and ready to go. This dog craps on my deck (yes.. the one I worked my ass off on) and she is nowhere near house trained. She fetches quite well though. (I taught her that)
5-    My mother has been gone from us for three months. Staying busy helps but then the overwhelming sadness and anguish hits you when you least expect it and in the most inappropriate places.
6-    Going.. going… going all summer long. And feeling like I can’t get caught  up on anything at home. Laundry piles up, dust piles up, clutter piles up, bathrooms need power washing…with bleach.
7-    My deck that I worked so hard on – and still have 12 boards to paint- I haven’t been home long enough to enjoy it. I haven’t put my cushions out in over three weeks. And the dog still craps on it… and I have to hose it down every day.
8-    I registered my baby for kindergarten. My older baby is one year away from high school. That should be enough. Just sayin.
9-    My house needs deep cleaning… and I mean DEEP… and this past weekend would have been great… but my family that wants to go go go … together… derailed my cleaning plans and we ended up at a mall. My house still needs that cleaning...with bleach.
10- I need a pedicure, but I don’t have time to go get one. And I can’t hardy reach my toes to do it myself. Because I am almost 46 and my boobs are in the way.

So, I didn't cry over all these things… I may have gotten a little misty eyed or just thought about crying over them. Not that crying over them would have made any of it any better. And these things listed are mostly minor frustrations in every day existence… not catastrophic events that are life altering. My life is wonderful and I have no complaints… not really.