Friday, August 29, 2014

As Much As I Would Love To…. (a 10 point rant for this holiday weekend)

Each of these points begin with - "As much as I would love to...."

1-       … go to the beach this weekend, I honestly don’t think I have it in me. It should be my happy place but I find that we end up rushing around more there than we do at home. Trying to cram all we can into the 36 hours we are there is exhausting. And if you are already mentally exhausted before you go it is a doozy when you get back.
2-      … call and complain to my son’s new school about how jacked up their whole kindergarten entry plan is, what good will it do ? None. The website is awful, the communication is worse and the whole staggered entry leaves me cranky. The last thing I need to do is piss off any of those people – that is what I keep telling myself.
3-      … get rid of this pounding headache it is reminding me that I have reduced the amount of sugar in my diet and that is a good reminder. Annoying but good.
4-      … get my hair done there is no time this week for any of that crap. So I will put it off yet again and wait for the opportunity to arise. In the mean time I will just have to pull it back (which I can finally do again) into a pony tail and keep going.
5-      … find the perfect pocketbook I have come to realize that the damn thing probably doesn't exist. Maybe I should design my own… submit it to Dooney & Bourke and let them have the design if they will just give me one. Yes. That is a plan.
6-      … wake up one morning and be 2 sizes smaller than I am now I know that isn't going to happen. Weight loss takes work, discipline, movement and dedication. And as much as I despise to break a sweat it will have to happen. Why can’t I starve on the sofa?? Why do I have to sweat and become an unbearable cranky bitch?
7-      … drink more water, I find that a very difficult task. Mainly because I hate water. I have to FORCE myself to drink water and honestly if I don’t eat water gives me heartburn. Yes, I know you think I am crazy but just like when you are throwing up you know what made you sick. When I have heartburn I know what gave it to me and it is always too much water. And whoever the crazy bastard was that said drink half your body weight in ounces of water should be shot. Seriously! Just put an NG tube down my throat and hook it up to a faucet because that is what it will feel like. Drown me now. Drinking water constantly from the time my feet hit the floor till the time I go to bed.  A deluge amount of water. He is crazy as hell.
8-      … wear all the fancy heels in my closet, I am too lazy to even dig them out. The thought of prancing around in 4” heels all day makes me a little dizzy. My feet hurt just thinking about it. I need to but they will make my feet hurt. And I am too clumsy to even think about it. The injury potential at this time in my life is rather high. I think I will just make sure I have them when #7 &#8 work out for me. The less you weigh, the less your feet will hurt in those pretty shoes. Truth.
9-      … sit down at the sewing machine I bought 6 months ago and make my t shirt quilt I have  problem actually finding the time to LEARN how to operate the damn thing. Thread a bobbin… there is a nightmare for you. There are you tube videos on how to work this particular machine but TIME is a problem. I have NO TIME to actually sit down with a computer and watch the video and teach myself.  I have yet to plug the damn thing in and turn it on. Much like the Zumba box, it lives in the dining room. At least I did put the Zumba DVD in and watch the first part of the how to dance video. Don’t get me started on that…. Another whole blog post just for Beto and his scary old lady friend.
10-   … finally paint those last 12 boards on my deck I don’t see it happening this weekend. Its hot as 40 blazes of hell outside and I am not in the mood to start sweating … see #6.

Y'all have a wonderful Labor Day Holiday weekend! I am in a much better mood now... thank you!

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