Friday, September 19, 2014

Hot Date, Hot Mess and the Petite Genius

It was our 14th wedding anniversary dinner date. I remembered we had over $100 in gift cards from Christmas (9 months ago) that we will probably never use because the damn restaurant is at least an hour away so that is where we decided to go. May as well use them right? I was SO looking forward to Friday, mainly because I was getting about 5 hours alone with my husband, but also because I had heard so many wonderful stories about this 18 oz bone in rib eye I was practically drooling by the time we got on the highway.

So my hot date says to me on the way to the rib eye of my dreams, we should probably do some shopping before we go to eat because the wait will be too long at this hour and by the time we eat everything will be closed. Ok, better get me some crackers or something because I might go all jekyl and hyde on you and scratch your face off if I get too hungry. So a pack of Gold-N-Cheese and a pepsi later we arrive at our destination and head into a Barnes and Noble…. my mother ship.

You know, there are certain smells that make me smile. Anything Gain, new car (duh), a new Dooney (which is quite similar to the new car), my fave perfumes, a freshly scrubbed baby (this includes my 13 and 5 year olds) and BOOKS. New books have that distinct smell and you mix that with some coffee and I could fall into one of those overstuffed chairs that everyone in Raleigh has farted and wallowed in and be perfectly content. Although I tell myself that the dutiful workers at Barnes and Noble spray those suckers down with Lysol and vacuum them every night I know better, but its my lie to myself so hush.

Anyway, since I have a NOOK I am no longer allowed to purchase actual books so what the hell am I doing in here I don’t know. But my honey was having a good time pilfering through graphic novels and CDs, so we decided to go ahead and do a little advance Christmas shopping. We amble over to the children’s section, in which I could easily spend $100 in about 5 minutes then walked over to the Thomas the Train section with the wooden trains. First of all they are EXTREMELY expensive for a painted block of wood with wheels and secondly something STUNK to high heaven. Immediately I look at my fabulous husband with the accusing stink eye knowing he went over there and farted, knowing I would walk right into it… and at the same time he gave me the same look! UM.. Hello… I don’t know if you remember but I don’t have gas. And at that moment we both turn around to see a petite mother sitting in a chair, texting on her phone, and her kids were very sweetly playing on the train table. Being parents we both recognized the pungent smell of a stinky toddler and wondered, was it the boy or girl and was this woman so accustomed to this stench that she didn’t recognize it?
She was completely unfazed by the cloud of funk in which we were all engulfed. As we ambled away from the contaminated area I had to wonder… did this woman have a sinus infection that she couldn’t smell or was this some evil genius plan to keep people away. It was better than Mace I tell you. We laughed so hard all the way out of Barnes and Noble I think I snorted.

Finally I sat down to order my steak. Bone in Rib eye, medium, mashed potatoes and salad. Our server was training another server and got our order mixed up. He wanted his steak well done… I wanted mine medium (which is of most importance because I do not eat steak jerky) I get my $25 steak well done. I may as well took $25 out in the parking lot and set fire to it. If there is one thing I don’t do is bitch about food at a restaurant. They can’t undo a well done steak so what are they going to do … put another $25 steak on the grill for me? Probably, but what will they do to that steak before I get it?? Call me paranoid but I have worked in restaurants… and I have seen how problems are handled. Nope… I didn’t say anything. It was still good but not as good as It could have been for sure. The waiter did bring me a giant piece of cheese cake for our anniversary- free. That was nice.

It was time to go and they brought us the check. I had two $50 gift cards of which was about $31 dollars left over unused. I have been a server, and I have been a server in training. None of which are at the top of my list of jobs I have loved. SO, in the spirit of paying it forward and making someone’s day I left our server and server in training the balance left on that gift card as a tip. 50% tip would have made my day … back in the day. I hope it did theirs.

So overall I had a great hot date with my hubby. It’s nice to get alone and realize that we do have fun together, without kids to entertain us. And to the woman in the children’s section, I believe you are a mad genius. You managed to go shopping and not a single sales person bothered you. Or any other human being for that matter. Carry on girlfriend… make sure you get some Desitin for that baby’s butt on your way home.