You know, …. I don’t know.
A friend of mine has been battling anxiety, depression and a whole plethora of other things that she finally found out , almost by accident, was due to an over active thyroid.
I wish it was that simple for me. My mind is very heavy these days. Not exactly sure why. It’s almost as if there is so much in there that it feels like a clogged drain. No flow out, just stopped up. I need some draino.
What exactly is the psychological form of draino? I always thought if I could journal everything I would feel better but it appears that I have started something I can’t keep up with. Things are coming at me in my mind at such a rapid fire speed I feel the only thing I can do to keep me from going completely nutso is shut it down.
What will that accomplish? Shutting the flow of thought down so that it clogs up my mind and boggles down my entire mental state. My head feels like the hoover dam. Holding back all that water and only allowing a trickle here and there to keep the power behind the dam in check so it doesn’t blow.
Finding the balance. My friend calls it “grace” that finds you and pulls you through the dark spots into the light so you can see and feel the joy around you. I think my “grace” comes to me in the morning. When I am the first one to get up and start waking everyone else up. My joy is in the faces of my children when they are just waking up and they have that faintest hint of a smile on their face. After they are headed down the driveway I get about 15 minutes to sit with a little something to eat and a cup of coffee before I have to get myself together. That is my happy time - in the morning, I have a similar time in the evening when we are all winding the day down. Putting the 6 year old to bed and reading books, getting the 14 year old showered and hanging out with her and the hubby in the living room before calling it a night.
I am the first one up… and the last one to bed. Every day. It is the beginning and the end of those days that I find that clarity and joy. Everything in between is a mess. That is what I need the help with … the mess in between.
I am going to see a professional that also specializes in hypnotism. Hoping she can clear the fogginess for me or at least show me how to clear it myself. She will be my mental draino. She may teach me how to meditate or some other technique to help keep the clogged drains at bay. I don’t know what she is going to do but I am ready.
I have come to the realization that there are times in life that outside help may be necessary to help get clarity and feel whole again. I think I need to just talk about things that I have never even spoken of out loud. Someone who doesn’t know me - just to listen to me completely DUMP out everything that is clogging my mind! I know part of this is probably brought on my hormone changes and other life/body changes that are inevitable for any woman. So, putting my big girl panties on… off I go!