Monday, June 5, 2017


Chris Cornell – Follow Up

This isn’t the first time I have written about a celebrity suicide that truly bothered me. Robin Williams was the first. My daughter will still say something about him when we are watching one of his movies. Last night Aladin was on and she said “this movie makes me sad because he is gone” (the genie) To which I give the standard parent response… well honey, at least we have his movies to keep his talent alive and make us smile.

We have lost many great talents in the last few years. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, George Michael… but I will have to say that Robin Williams and Chris Cornell were the ones that made my heart hurt. I think it is because they were truly lost and sad souls that intentionally took their own life.

But back to Chris Cornell -
God bless his tortured lost soul. His voice was so powerful and amazing. I have him singing to me in my ear buds this morning at work. An amazing talent that had so much more to give.

The coroner states that the level of prescriptions in his system were not levels to be considered contributing factors to his mental state.  I am heartbroken no one was there for him at his lowest point to bring him back. I can’t imagine what it is like to be in that dark corner of the mind where ending your life is your only solution.

I think the saddest part about these people we love and their suicides is that we all wish we could have been there for them, to stop them, to listen to them and save them from themselves. But no one can see something like that coming. These people have already made up their minds and honestly it is only a matter of time and opportunity before they carry out their intentions.

I still think Sam and Dean Winchester need to check things out in Seattle. 

Friday, May 19, 2017


I am sitting here drinking my required cup of coffee – a little late but better late than never – and still thinking about the death of Chris Cornell. One of my favorite rock voices, I loved to hear him sing covers and put his grunge twist on songs like Billie Jean, Nothing Compares to U and I Will Always Love You. I will miss him but will long treasure his voice and music on my iPod.

They are now saying, according to his wife, he may have taken one too many Ativan. I can understand him having sleeping issues and needing rest, especially after an adrenalin driven concert. The need for rest is essential for him to keep going. If this sleep aid causes suicidal thoughts why would anyone take it? I would much rather them take Temazepam or Xanax and Advil PM. I would think if he took too many he would be more at risk of respiratory failure 
This beautiful talented man that had it all, love, family, success suddenly hung himself in a hotel for no reason?

Unless… and just think about it… back in the day when the big 4 were coming out of seattle…Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam all came into the mainstream rock scene about the same time. And I am not even including Andy Wood – lead singer of Mother Love Bone. Huge success for all 4 bands.Now all but one lead singer is dead. All the other band members are here but the lead singers… only one left. Eddie Vedder.

Washington Post -
After Chris Cornell’s death: ‘Only Eddie Vedder is left. Let that sink in.’

Now I may have been watching too much television in my life but it is sad about the way these men died when you look at the big picture. Honestly, Kurt Cobain didn’t really surprise me, Lane Staley who had a history of drug problems off and on suddenly overdosed when he was supposed to be clean (but wasnt found for a week?? that is very sad). And now Chris Cornell who had left his drug problems behind him many years ago, hangs himself because he may have taken too much Ativan? If this were an episode of Supernatural Dean and Sam Winchester would be heading straight to Eddie Vedder’s house for some answers about who made the deal at the crossroads..

Friday, May 12, 2017

Hey Pamela

My mother died at approximately 330AM on a Friday morning three years ago. Ever since, that time of night has been a special time for me mainly because if I wake up I know she is waking me up. Sometimes I know why and sometimes I don’t. I will usually wake up only to go back to sleep and dream of her. In some way, I think she wakes me up so I can go back to sleep and she can come to me in my dreams and talk to me. By the way.. today is Friday.

Lately I wake up at least once a night – hoping it is still the wee hours of the morning with plenty of time left to go back to sleep, only to find it is about 10 minutes before my alarm is due to ring. I am a little disappointed because I always hope it is about 330 AM.

Last night I woke up, knowing I was going to look at the clock and it say 545AM. To my surprise, it was 305AM. I thought of my mother, smiled and went back to sleep. The next time I woke up it was 10 minutes before my alarm but I had had a visit from mom and it was so vivid I had to write it down before it faded.

She was decorating for a holiday. And I am not sure why because she hated decorating for Christmas.  It had to be Christmas because she was putting out snow and decorations.  But it was fake snow like cotton clouds with glitter to make it look like snow. Anyway, I was standing there with her looking at her decorations and she said something about the snow and she said “I wish they could see this” and I said “it is pretty”. I knew who she was talking about, her two grandchildren.  She put her arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple and while looking at the decorations she was upset and said “My babies won’t remember me”. And as clear as I am sitting here typing this I said to her “Don’t worry, I won’t let them forget.” And we just stood there for a moment with her arm around my shoulder, looking at her decorations and the next thing I knew I was waking up.

I wish she could see my daughter. Smart, tall and beautiful, getting ready to drive and take on the world. I look at her sometimes and she takes my breath. She would eat up my son, and he would adore her. She would want him to tell her all about space, listen to every word, and marvel at how smart he is.  They would be beyond perfect in her eyes and she would brag on them every breath. As I am sure she is doing in heaven. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Bird Shit Monday

I was having a pleasant Monday morning … I had just dropped off my son at school and was heading through town to work. It was a beautiful morning. Everything was so green and crisp as only it can be in early spring. You could just feel the world coming back to life after a crappy winter. I love it when the trees start budding and the grass is so incredibly green, fresh with that early morning dew smell. Everyone has started putting out their flowers and ferns. It reminds me that there is hope for us all every morning when we wake up, a fresh day with fresh, new and exciting opportunities.

As I was driving down the beautiful tree lined street, I noticed out of the corner of my eye coming down from above, ad a very fast rapid descent was a bird. I thought oh dear lord. That poor thing is dead falling out of the sky. At the same time I was thinking – OMG don’t hit my car. I swear right before he was going to crash into my windshield the sonofabitch came back to life, dropped a giant shit the size of my hand and took off. It was so huge it actually made noise like someone threw an egg at me. And I am not kidding when I tell you I know that little bastard was laughing at me. As if time froze for a minute and he looked at me and laughed dropped his business and took off.
He is lucky I don’t have my concealed carry and was already in a hurry. I would have shot his ass dead for sure. I can just imagine rolling down my window like Madea and unloading on this bird and his loser friends.

The car wash couldn’t get it all off. I had to get some windex and elbow grease. It was that bad.
Some people say it is good luck to be hit with bird shit.


Friday, May 5, 2017

Ramen Noodles Make Me Happy

I’m having a bowl of beef flavored ramen noodles. Shut up, I know they aren’t good for me. What with the high sodium and zero nutritional benefit I may as well eat a salt popsicle. And thus my body will retain water and I will blow up like a blow fish. But for the moment they are making me happy. Mainly because I am starving and there is nothing in the office to eat.

I found this online and now I know why they make me happy. Eating your sadness leaves only happiness. Done and Done.

Here is another interesting thing I found online... can we make anything better with Cheese?? Yes. Cheese makes me happy too.

Desperate times call for desperate measures y’all.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Post Inauguration Thoughts

I have to take a moment and say how disappointed I am in so many people.
And yes… it is all because of politics.

Over the last 18 months from the beginning of the presidential campaign season to present day, I have refrained as much as possible from posting anything on social media about how I feel about one candidate vs another. And the reason for this is the vicious verbal attacks that I have seen on others who proudly post that they are voting for the now President Trump. I am only 49 years old but I don’t think I have ever seen this country so politically divided to the point of riots and longtime friends parting ways over a political view. It is sad.

While watching the inauguration yesterday, the news kept leaving the joy and celebration of the inauguration and transfer of power to show us the violence a few blocks away. Those people I saw dressed in all black, carrying black flags, armed with backpacks full of bricks, stones and other tools of destruction should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Throw the book at these people. They have no conscience and no morals. Show them the man that is in intensive care clinging to life and ask them what did he ever do to them. It is inexcusable to destroy someone else’s property or physically harm them because you are mad that your candidate didn’t win or your and your buddies are taking advantage of a time when people are at the most vulnerable.

Like I have always said – I am all for the right to peacefully protest and the right to free speech. I love that people can speak their mind, draw attention to a worthy cause that could change the way we think. But I have no tolerance for name calling, vicious verbal attacks on people who are simply proud of something.

For instance, I went to a huge high school and we just had our 30th reunion. It was a wonderful time but since then I have seen my democrat/independent classmates relentlessly and savagely verbally attack those that were republican. I rarely saw it the other way…on a personal level. That is what I am now seeing on national level and it is disturbing. On Election day I could not even look at my social media for it was flooded with horrible things directed at anyone who voted for President Trump. Hashtags after lengthy rants like #notmypresident actually made me cranky. Yesterday and today it has been worse. Instead of a movie title of "Mean Girls" we need one like "Mean Liberals". Words hurt and most times it is not what you are saying it is HOW you are saying it.  

Here it is… This man won the election, he IS your president whether you like him or not, he will be your president for at least 4 years. Furthermore, thank God you live in a country where you have free speech and can assemble in peaceful protest to let him know you disagree with him. He is not a dictator. He cannot pass laws alone. He has to have the support of the House of Representatives and Senate. And then the judicial branch can shoot them all down. Is your liberal disappointment worth alienating people and family you have known all your life?