Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Bird Shit Monday

I was having a pleasant Monday morning … I had just dropped off my son at school and was heading through town to work. It was a beautiful morning. Everything was so green and crisp as only it can be in early spring. You could just feel the world coming back to life after a crappy winter. I love it when the trees start budding and the grass is so incredibly green, fresh with that early morning dew smell. Everyone has started putting out their flowers and ferns. It reminds me that there is hope for us all every morning when we wake up, a fresh day with fresh, new and exciting opportunities.

As I was driving down the beautiful tree lined street, I noticed out of the corner of my eye coming down from above, ad a very fast rapid descent was a bird. I thought oh dear lord. That poor thing is dead falling out of the sky. At the same time I was thinking – OMG don’t hit my car. I swear right before he was going to crash into my windshield the sonofabitch came back to life, dropped a giant shit the size of my hand and took off. It was so huge it actually made noise like someone threw an egg at me. And I am not kidding when I tell you I know that little bastard was laughing at me. As if time froze for a minute and he looked at me and laughed dropped his business and took off.
He is lucky I don’t have my concealed carry and was already in a hurry. I would have shot his ass dead for sure. I can just imagine rolling down my window like Madea and unloading on this bird and his loser friends.

The car wash couldn’t get it all off. I had to get some windex and elbow grease. It was that bad.
Some people say it is good luck to be hit with bird shit.

Really?